Mama didn't lie. She didn't lie about the importance of the way you carry yourself through the world. Good posture makes such a profound impact on everyone we encounter. Fighting to achieve and maintain good posture is crucial to establishing a life that supports spinal health, staying out of pain, and keeping ourselves strong. Further, it represents to the world who you are and how you feel about yourself — and the world responds to you in kind...
Mama, from the get-go, contributed to the integrity of my Pilates career through her obsession with making sure I mastered good posture and walking proud and tall. She considered this a huge aspect of proper self-expression. As early as I can recall, she started the "good posture" training: the old fashioned way, which involved having me stand straight against a wall with a neutral spine (space behind the waistband!) while balancing books on my head. As I got stronger with this, she'd ask that I take steps away from the wall to see how far I could go without the books falling.
I’m sure many children would consider this a tedious chore, but I found it to be a fun game. I challenged myself to walk farther to see how long I could balance those books. I even added extra tasks, such as picking up things or opening doors, to see just how much I could do while wearing my book “hat.” I found it to be great fun and I got really good at it, which led to becoming obsessed with good posture myself. Perhaps I intuitively realized just how important posture truly is, not only for aesthetic reasons but for a multitude of health reasons, touched on above.
I don't know if Mom realizes how influential she was in paving the way for me in my career as a Pilates instructor and healer through movement. I have no doubt that I was born to do this work, but without her intuitive influence, I may have never known it. Mom provided an environment that allowed my imagination and creativity to flourish. She encouraged a fun and innovative space while setting very definite standards. Many of the combinations I use while teaching come out of this background of “opposing” styles. (Many of the outrageous stories that only my closest friends and clients are privy to do as well!) Mom claims she raised me with two main objectives in mind: that my childhood was magical, and that I was adaptable. (Of course, I had NO idea what the latter concept meant as a kid, but as an adult, I see why that was so important to her — especially now.) I have always taken this philosophy into each of my client sessions: I want the experience to be magical as we adapt as necessary to the hard work we need to do.
Mama didn't lie about breathing properly. As a singer, she understood how breathwork was crucial to her — and one of her own personal obsessions. I was exposed to voice and singing lessons, as both an observer (coloring books in the corner while Mama sang) or as a mostly hesitant participant, over the course of my growing-up years, perhaps illuminating my awareness that movement spoke my language even more than words do. My earliest memory is of Mama singing Roberta Flack's "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face" as my infant lullaby, and I still remember the care she took to enunciate every word, control every syllable, connect with me on a heartfelt level...in order that I literally feel her emotions come through her words, through her breath. That gift of controlling your breath to help you reach the more difficult notes is exactly what I try to pass on to students. Breathe it out! Tapping into the diaphragm muscle is one of the most important aspects of the art of singing, instrument playing, and living life to the fullest: speaking your truth through music, enunciation, movement, precision.
She didn't lie about the importance of rhythm — of moving to a beat, even if it's our own special drumbeat, of using your heartbeat as the rhythm of your own soul. Mom instilled in me a profound appreciation for rhythm, on an almost spiritual level. I was bathed in music, a beat, song, dance for as long as I can remember. I was taught to communicate through song, to "feel" the beat — to interpret thoughts, feelings, and emotions through movement set to music.
Mama didn't lie about appreciating where other people are coming from...and how it can enrich your perception and understanding of life. Mom fought hard to keep me from succumbing to “colder” personality traits — and to embrace warm and heartfelt connections instead. Mom always encouraged personal growth. Through stories, communication, continuous learning, expanding knowledge and experience, she would cheer me on to encapsulate my best self. Being able to engage with others on a deeper level, regardless of their background or position in life, was of paramount importance to her. She raised me to consider prejudgment, gossiping, and worst of all, bringing others down, as totally uncool – and indicative of a person ruled by insecurity and self-doubt. She started these lessons very early on.
Funny story: when I was in kindergarten at a California-funded Montessori school, I was young enough – and needy enough for an older sister – to allow a girl with a stronger personality to briefly mold me into her sidekick. Together, we took charge of the other kids, and I was well on my way to becoming a bully. Thankfully, my perceptive teacher contacted my mother about the damage this was doing to my otherwise gentle disposition. That afternoon, my mother initiated the first and most impactful heart-to-heart conversation of my childhood. I remember the conversation clearly; she told me how wonderful it is to know all different kinds of people, and how life is so much more fun with a variety of friends. Gently, she challenged me to play with a new child every day and to learn something about each one that I could share with her after school. What started as a bit of a chore (once again) became a fun routine – and by forcing me to come out of my shell, her intervention truly changed my life. That lesson is still with me today as I meet new people and learn about their experiences. My heart thrives on communication; my soul (just like all of us) craves real connection.
And, let's face it: Mama also didn't lie about boys (or girls, or ???, as the case may be). Mama reminded me throughout my life that my goals, dreams, identity, place in the world will always be uniquely mine. That I should consistently honor that above anything else — not allowing my dreams to be washed away by the casualty of bad relationship choices. It took this level of deeply instilled self-appreciation and respect to carry me through my Pilates career transition a decade or so back. Fighting the "good fight" against all odds and sometimes seemingly endless struggle, to create a career situation for myself that was profound, nourishing, and expansive was the ultimate vision: finding strength in myself, above all else.
Thanks to my mom’s passion, intelligence, and guidance, I never felt deprived of love, inspiration, or gratitude. In turn, it only makes sense for me to try to help guide her through the necessary steps of caring for herself and keeping her body strong for as long as possible, as the years fly by. Ultimately, it is the love that my mother instilled in me that informs my career. She was the one who helped me realize the spark I get from connecting with others. Mom’s open-mindedness and willingness to accept people for who they are (the quirkier the better!) caused those same values to be embraced by me. She has shown me that every life is worth the fight – and everyone deserves a fighting chance, no matter what place they’re in. My mama didn't lie.